i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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