just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
