and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
