five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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