ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
