i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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