Nicole vs. Life
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
