She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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