just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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