3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
