That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
