dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
