Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
