i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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