I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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