i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
