im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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