Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
