found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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