The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
