Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
