Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
