question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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