let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
