Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
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