I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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