yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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