Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
