Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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