I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
