it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
