I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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