i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
