Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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