On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
