id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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