This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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