she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
