we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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