If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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