You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we should paint friendship bongs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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