She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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