I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.