So drunk its hurt
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.