you turned your livingroom into a bong?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?