in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.