Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.