Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
