Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.