beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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