Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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