So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
