I CAN MOONWALK!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance