I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.