I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.