He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
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Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.