so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.