You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
