I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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