I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
