The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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