ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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