Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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