i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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