Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
