Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
