I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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