Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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