absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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