so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
