The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
