im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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