also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
