The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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