I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
