my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
