So drunk its hurt
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
