I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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