Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
