He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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