hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
