I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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