I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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